Love them or loathe them - and lets face it we all really loathe them - but Cinderella’s Ugly Sisters Kourtney and Kim have decided to share a short diary with us for the next two weeks as they step up there preparations for this year’s Christma/New Year pantomime at the Victoria Theatre. And what a great chance to start practising your boos as the gruesome twosome reveal - in rather too colourful a fashion - how an effort to get fit ended in tears like so many things these two horrors get involved in.
Kourtney: Poor Kim is still trying to get in shape for Christmas. Following the incident where she ended up in the fish pond she decided to join one of those boot camp things in the local park. Unfortunately doing squats after a rather large vindaloo did not result in anything pleasant (except for a sudden surge of power at the local wind farms) and she was quietly asked not to return.
Kim: I wouldn’t have gone back anyway it’s awful – they try and make you do things like press ups and sit ups and running – it was way too much like hard work. That instructor was a bit of all right though, or at least I thought so until he told me under no circumstances was I ever to come to one of his classes again.
Kourtney: She tried Yoga as well but they had to call the emergency services when she tried to do the lotus position and got her legs stuck and then toppled over and was rolling around the floor and couldn’t get back up. Apparently it took two hours to straighten her back out again and that was only after they gave her a bottle of gin to relax her limbs.
Kim: All the exercise stuff is just nonsense. There is nothing wrong with my figure as it is.
Kourtney: Of course not, a lot of men love JCBs.
Kim: Oh shut up trout face.
Kourtney: Oh well, we better go and find that stupid Cindersmella and see if she’s washed our spanx yet. I had a very nasty stain in my favourite pair I told her she had to get it out.
Kim: Don’t forget to read our next instalment.
Cinderella will be performed at the Victoria Theatre Halifax from Saturday, December 12 until Sunday , January 3.
For more information or to book tickets please contact the Victoria Theatre box office on 01422 351158 or visit www.victoriatheatre.co.uk